Rest In Peace

“Perhaps they are not starts in the sky but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.”

- Unknown

Life is short and fragile. We think we have all the time in the world to achieve whatever our heart desires, but then you lose someone you love and your world comes to a screeching halt. You realize you didn’t just lose someone you love, but you lost the life you had with them.

For me, I start thinking about all the things I should have done while my loved ones were still alive. I think about all the mindless arguments we had that I wish I could take back, or the times I didn’t feel like hanging out because I was tired and I knew there was “always tomorrow”. Truth is, there isn’t always a tomorrow for some and it’s sad when it takes death to remind you of that fact.

I begin to realize how imperative it is to jolt yourself out of your day-to-day life of work, school, stress, paying bills, and so on, to make the time to spend with those who matter the most to you. I feel like we all take that for granted at some points in our lives and it’s moments like these, when death occurs, I find myself wondering why we don’t actually take that time. Are we that consumed with tasks that are not as important as the ones we love? Or are we just so convinced that those we love will always be there?

Time can play tricks on us. They say it heals all wounds, and possibly that is true, but I think there’s more to it; at least there should be. When something deeply heartbreaking happens, like death, I always say “I’m going to do a better job keeping in contact with those I love”. Or “I wish I could have spent more time with that person while they were here”.

I know I am not the only one who has had these thoughts before, but I always end up resenting myself for it because I absolutely did have the time, I simply chose not to make it a priority, and for what; a job that could replace me tomorrow? How unbelievably trite. I say these thoughts to myself at the moment, fully believing them but then time passes, and it’s almost like I forget, but I truly haven’t. It’s still there in the back of my mind but the hurt and shock of the loss has lessened with that time. The feeling of need simmers inside me and I just go back to business as usual.

It’s an awful realization of myself given the number of people in my life I have lost. If you are taking the time to read this, I wholeheartedly implore you to make the time. Go see your friends, and family. Tell those you love that you love them and repeat it as often as you can. They may get annoyed with you, but I promise, nothing is more devastating than realizing all the times you could have told them but didn’t, once they are gone.

I dedicate this to Brian Antonellis, his fiancé Raquel, his family, friends and to everyone who is morning Brian’s loss right now.

“I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves and indelible imprint in our memories.”

-Leo Buscaglia